| Shit about me |
[01 Nov 2004|09:57am] |
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missing my baby |
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maroon 5 this love |
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Kristen
im not posing i just thought this was a really good idea! go kristen she came up with another good one
FAVORITE PEOPLE
krittle
kristen
jackie dakin
my baby boy john
steff
dianna
khoury
christina
trish
susan
Emily-i know can you believe it
PEOPLE I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH
sean
beau
steve
jared
erin
NICK NAMES
Nia-bia
nizzle-krittle
sugar-jackie
crack whore-everyone
STUFF I LIKE
shop!
be with my favorite people
dying my hair
brushing my teeth-i know im such a dork
hangin with jackie
sex
sex
and
more sex
cock
boobs
ciggerettes
STUFF I LOVE
MANSON
my baby
my friends
my family
STUFF I HATE
not being with my baby
weed
drunks
when people blow their friends off for guys
lierz
my dad when he wants to be an ass
my ass
ME!!!!!
when my baby smokes weed
FAVORTIE MUSIC
hoobastank
nirvana
manson x 1000000
nickleback
ac dc
rob zombie
jack off jill
yellow card
jimmy eat world
sublime
maroon 5
FAVORITE FOODS/drinks
caramel apples!-helll yes kisten
lazagna
nachos
french fries
cookie dough ice cream
pinapple upside down cake
coffee
red bull
jello shots-shh dont tell my probie
must go now
more lata
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| I think im gonna have a heart attack |
[30 Sep 2004|09:56am] |
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oh my god I was just in front of the library during break and Jackie was there! Jackie nigro, oh my god i was so speech less i just gave her a hug and walked away. Oh my god why would she even come here. she knows were not allowed to see each other and i thought that i would be able to just blow her off. But i didnt realize how hard it would be. I mean i donnt want to be her friend and i definitly dont want to hang out with her. but i mean went through so much together it just doesnt seem right to be a bitch to her. What do i do? None of my friends aare hellping, there like so what, jackie showed up? The only one who seemed really pissed and told me to stay away from her was Amanda Chamberland, of all people. Im thinking wow she really does care and want whats best for me! Wel i think i just need t ponder on this, Kristens not here. O well i just need to think about what just happened im still in shock.
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| bla la |
[23 Sep 2004|10:58am] |
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something on rock101 |
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men suck i completely give up i just grgrgrgrgroul i dont know. i broke beaus neclace on his head it made me feel so much better. i cant think about him, lalalala what to talk about, i had a cuut on my lip the other week and it wwont heal damnit, it hurts. i want a job i hope i get the job at bobs it would be wicked fun. and i really need the money, plus i dont like having so much time on my hand. I dotn like being able to think and over analyze things then i go crazy, if i keep myself busy i can keep myself sane.
lalala
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[28 May 2004|09:06am] |
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I am so fuckin confused, I don’t know what to do, I want to many people, last night jared told me that he was falling for me , god damn it, what the fuck, im not supposed to fall for anyone, im supposed to be the one with the heart of stone, there goes that idea. I wish I could make up my mind, this weekend im goin to the sky show with sarah, dan and jared, then on Monday im hanging with beau, what the hell do I do, part of me loves bein able to do what I want, when I want, with who I want, but I also love knowing that I have someone who will hold me, care about me, and love me and only , im just not sure I want that person to be jared. Especially now when beau is goin to be coming back soon. Everyone is like jesus nia you haven’t learned your lesson yet have you. But trust me he has changed so much since he has been at oddessy house, he has turned his life around and I am so proud of him. I don’t want to bring him down now that h is doing better, which means that if im with beau Im probably going to have to quit smoking and drinking and all that shit, no fun. L but I love that kid so much I always have, a lot of people are telling me to go for jared, but then there are some telling me to go for beau, then some for travis, and others for derrick, what the FUCK! I wanna have sex, I didn’t have me chance until last night, and guess what, I STARTED MY FUCKING PERIOD!!!!!!! L I want sex. Me and kryslt were talking about it she asked me how long has it been since you’ve had sex, I said 8 months, she counted shes like no nia, only like 4, im like well fuck dude it seems a whole lot longer than that. I bitched out sean, huh huh go nia, about time I told that mother fucker how I feel, I kinda blew everything out of proportion, but I love skye, fuck you sean, skye is better in bed. Chode!!!J
Peace love to all with a cock and pussy!
Love
me
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[28 May 2004|08:45am] |
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hey guys this has been a majorly fucked up week, i got in a bunch of fights, but everything is all cleared up now. Ive been puttin alot of thought into jared, i might go for it hes anamayzing kisser, but i wont date hinm until he gets his license, i wont see him much until then, peace, leave me messages.
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[25 May 2004|02:18pm] |
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horny |
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wow today has been weird. yesterday i hung out with krystle and derrick parnes and things were goin great, i mean it seemed like he liked me, but today i find out hes goin out with linsday again, huh. o well i started my monthly friend today and it blows, ive been thinking about gettin the birth control shot, but it is really dangerous to smok when your on it. so i dont know what to do. Im so sick of life, guys blow, i hate you sean, dont bother asking why, if you have to ask then you wouldnt understand anyway. Everytime i see steve it makes me want to throw up. the chin, thats what hes been callin me now, suck my dick you nasty peace of shit, you were a shity kisser any way!i would rather make out with my cat, and she licks her own ass!!! how is it possible that i lovedhim so much, why do i let him get to me. its just that, when you are with someone every day, have such good memories, it just kind hurts when that all blows up in you face. And wow boy let me tell you, did it ever!i keep coughing, i need toquit smoking really bad, when i was at sarahs and dans i started having an emphesema attack when the band was playing! can you say embarassing! right after i stoped coughing i lit a cig and the band majorly bitched at me, and sarah and dan.
I havent seen jared since saturday, maybe it wouldnt be so hard to make my desision if i saw him every day. i know i wouldnt be able to stay away from him, is that bad, i miss him!!!;( JARED GET IN MY TACO!!!!
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[24 May 2004|06:22am] |
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wow i just wrote a shit load of suff, lets just say that i made out with jared, hit on his drummer nick, steves a douche and derrick parnes stuck up for me, then nia got lectures, jared the best go for jared nia, thats all i heard all night, yea well maybe i just want to have fun for right now, no commitment, just fun. heres the reason i cant go for jared i like way to many guys at the time, heres my list
*Jared
*Nick
*derrick parnes
*Beau
*Evan
*Vince
*Travis
*and many many more
the problem is that i like them all, not nick as much as the others but hes an awesome drummer
pathetic isnt it not my fault i just really dont wanna be tied down to one guy right now
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| my life is a dope show |
[20 May 2004|07:29am] |
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mood |
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rithdrawal |
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music |
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weezer-buddy holly |
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The drugs they say make us feel so hollow
We love in vain narcissistic and so shallow
The cops and queers to swim you have to swallow
Hate today there's no love for tomorrow
We're all stars now in the dope show
There's a lot of pretty, pretty ones
That want to get you high
But all the pretty, pretty ones
Will leave you low and blow your mind
They love you when you're on all the covers
When you're not then they love another
The drugs they say are made in California
We love your face
We'd really like to sell you
The cops and queers make good-looking models
I hate today
Who will I wake up with tomorrow?
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| I'll be your naghty girl tonight |
[20 May 2004|06:15am] |
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mood |
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coming down |
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music |
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blah, blah, blah |
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this weekend is going to be awesome. On friday im hanging out with Sarah Dan and Jared, sleepin over, then on saturday im hangin with beau, and i might sleep at Sarahs again. I cant wait. But then comes the problem, who the fuck do i choose. Beau is awesome and i promised myself to him for when he comes back. But Jared is awesome, He just, o i dont know, there didnt seem to be a chemistry between us, but i would definitly like to try again, maybe i was just to scared to get attached and i didnt see him alot, but lately i have been seeing him alot more, ooy ok people i dont know what to do, anyone want to helpme? Pleeze leave me messages and tell me what you think i should do, cauz i have no idea. :(
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[18 May 2004|07:27am] |
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"What Kind of SOUL do you posses? (For Girls only) Incredible Anime Pictures!" - Results:
You have a twisted soul! Twisted Souls are never bad, and actually, are a rarity amongst souls. These souls are a little combination of everything, with always a little of their own chaos to add. Twisted Souls are kind, loving, weird, zany, temperamental, and very talented. They have their own firm opinion, and can at one time be very outspoken and passionate, and the other time shy and feeling insignificant. Twisted Souls have good senses of Humor and other times can be a bore. You can act quite intelligent at one time, and grasp concepts easily, while other times they can find it difficult to understand. Twisted Souls are always very fun and Kind, and can be party animals. But, if you love someone, youre serious about it, intense, and forever loyal. Congratulations-the world should have more like you.
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| my life isnt the way it should be |
[18 May 2004|06:04am] |
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mood |
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when you walk down the hall way things you see shouldnt be seen through a viel of confusing fog. Thats ow ive been living lately, nothing seems real any more. This morning someone asked what i did this morning and i couldnt remember, i know i did somehting, but nothing is real, therefor it doesnt leave an impression on my mind. i am so sick of school the smel makes me want to throw up and seeing all these couples sucking face make me want to shoot them. dothey have no respect for the rest of the human race. even my friends do it, for god sakes if your gonna suck face and dry hump each other would you please do it in the fucking janitors closet, instead of doing it in public were we lonely people are forced to watch. and some people say, well dont watch. WHEN YOU DO IT IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY WERE ELSE ARE WE SUPPOSED TO FUCKING LOOK ! I mean when derek walked up to Krystle and stuck his tonge in her mouth were was i supposed to look, i was with my fucking friend and fucking people shouldnt have to go away when the ones wo are doing it are in the wrong. im not just saying this because im lonely, i mean even when i have a boy friend i still feel that way ,a kiss is fine, but spare everyone who isnt inerested in seeing others swap spit. dont be selfish, realize that others are forced to look at what your doing, if it was me ide be a bit embarassed to do so much in front of people.
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[17 May 2004|03:53pm] |
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oohohohoh i got my wayver aslong as i go to all my classes for the rest of the year! go nia! today i left during lunch with jackie and saw this kid ryan that i havent seen in forever! hes so fine, and when he saw me his mouth dropped, im like o yea budy i have grown! go nia!!!
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| im gonna fail photography |
[17 May 2004|06:03am] |
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i have nothing to do right now. next period I have my wayver meeting, im so nervous . its gonna determine if im gonna be junior next year.
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| sorry |
[14 May 2004|01:14pm] |
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music |
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i wanna smoke another bowl |
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im sorry i couldnt finish my entry yesterday i had todo something, i cant exacally remembe what it was though. I got so blazed yesterday, i somked three bowls took four perks and had a few swiggs of pure caffine! I was completely out of it. after that brent showed up so it was me brent and krittle in the woods, them joe charlie and jared showed up. they were like dude, nia you are so high, and BOY WERE THEY RIGHT! this morning when me and krystle saw each other we were like FUCK we are so burnt out. I hate that feeling, it makes me want to smoke another bowl! o yea it turna out i left my purse down in the hall way and debbie grabbed it for me! few i love my debbie, she completely saved my ass. god bless the british!
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| holy shit! |
[13 May 2004|01:53pm] |
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mood |
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FUCKING LUCKY! |
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O my god i almost just had a heart attack, i lost my purse that had "goodies: in it, im like o my god what if it is brought down to the office and the people searched it for identification and found my goodies ide be so unbeilivebly FUCKED! An then i went down to guidance to find out my grades from miss benton and i find out ms benton is busy talking with my MOM! wow wow wow!but then i asked someone was with
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| holy shit drama |
[12 May 2004|12:23pm] |
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pissed off |
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This is so not cool. everything i said is what i ponder when i cant fall asleep no one was supposed to hear it:o i guess my frustration got the better of me. to krystle, i dont appreciate the way you have been treating me, like when you told kristin she was being bitchy. but thats not your problem. what happened to chick before dick huh? when you left me, i had so much to do, kristin is resining and didnt want to do any thing, so what do you know im left with the job. If you want me to do the work then i should get credit, maybe extra credit or at least be an editor again, i mean i have learned my lesson, and i thought that maybe people would stop pretending im not there (ms neller) and respect the fact that i have actually realized that what i was doing was wrong. SOME ONE HELP ME!!! And then the day we needed krystle the most she splits, waht the fuck , i lost my job because i pulled shit like that, and i garuntee that all she will get is a slap on the hand. when ms neller was talking to the other day i said i was sorry that i had been messing up, and she said, i wasnt really talking to , as if they were better than me! i have been working for this paper, i have takin the class three fucking times, and look what it got me, nothing. ty65g that was my head on the key board im so MAD! Also to krystle derek had his break down at 12 and it ended aroun 1 but you were on the phone from 10 to 4 why the fuck did you invite me over if you were gonna talk to derek all night! i mean im trying not to like him for you, but when you talk to him the entire time im at your house it hurts like a bitch. So i lost my chance with derek, it hurt but i can deal with it, but i can deal with loosing you krittle, when i said i didnt care about you i hope you realize that i love and i said it out of anger I CARE SO MUCH ABOUT YOU and i was just really hurt and pissed that you blew me off for your boyfriend, i would never do that to you, because i know it would hurt you. And to derek we all have problems, your not he only one there are people dying of starvation, poeple likew my grandfather who keeps black cardbosr d over his windows because he is scared that the police are following him, he is psictso and he didnt live with my mom but she used to visit him when she was about nine, he put a gun to her head becuse he thought she was the devil, no lie. hes in a clinic no i visit him sometimes but when i do he flips out. "dont stand near the windows nia, your gonna get shot, those fucking cops!" my grammpy. think about it, i know you do have issues, it was wrong for me to say you didnt, but its not a contest to see who has the worst problems go tot go il be back
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| look st manson! |
[11 May 2004|12:45pm] |
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Hey guys its so nice out, i love this weather and i kissed Evan, im the pimp! check out my new background on my journal isnt it sexy, puddle!
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| love me hate me, just care |
[07 May 2004|11:26pm] |
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high |
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bother |
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I just got back from the mall with krittle and kristin I bought new pink shoes! two new shirts and some make-up. im sleeping over krysltes and right now were dying her hair and shes talking to derek on the phone. im seeing beau tommorow, i cant wait he is one of the fiew people who actualy care, not just pretending. i love him so much not many things make me happy, but he does, big time. I just got back inside from smokin a but and i could really use another one, but i dont wana seem like a feene o well.
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| im happy why arent you? |
[06 May 2004|06:13am] |
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players-crazy town |
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I think that my shrink should perscribe me perks instead of zoloft because zoloft doesnt seem to make me happy at all. I kow that perks arent a antidepressant but thats not the point. the point is that i like th way i feel when i take them, i think that should be the purpose of my zoloft, maybe then i wouldnt mind taking it. I wish i could change the way i look, I dont like my hair my but my chin my nose my eyes my arms my legs, ect. but o well unless i somehow get rich and can pay for plastic surgery i dont see that happening. I should probably just get over it because i can garentee that every one is sicck of hearing me complain about how i hate the way i look. hmmmm. well i found out tody that derek parnes is single again, I should probably feel bad about it because the girl he broke up with is a friend of mine, were not super duper close, but still. wow he is so hot. !!!!! o well he said that the reason he broke up with her is because he has no time and that hes onna be leavin for awhile, holy shit i just realized that he said he was leaving! omg when where and why I am such a retard, i hope he is just going somewhere for the summer. but even if i "cant go out" with him at least i know now that hes not taken, not that i have chance anyway. that woul be the best, That kid is such a sweet heart, and hes so fucking fine!!!!! wow i really hope he cant find this, so krystle if your reading this dont even think about giving him my diary name, i would have to taake off your tits with a brilo pad. k. I <3 you.I forgot to mention in the last entry how my day ended, i did cut, i couldnt stop, sudenly i had no power over my body. I've never fel like that, it wasnt kool. I didnt want to do it, but I couldnt talk to anyone, and latetly that has been my only way not cutting. ahahaha im so sorry to everyone i promised i wouldnt do it again, i tried, i cut on my stumoch, i just hope i caan keep it from my parents. They have really started to trust me again, im so glad i dont plan on cutting again, but when i ge an urge like that its just so hard not to. this weekend im going to the mall with krystle and kristin on friday, and then on saturday im goin to hng out with beau!!!! yey i cant wait i love that kid so much, this time i hope that derek doesnt call, because i havent had sex in a while and I would really like to solve that problem, and beau has offered to help, go me. I love beina pimp, derek and Krystle thank you for putting up with my momentary lapse of brain, i llove you both so much, aand nothing will ever change that. I promise. Any ways i thimk I've realized that i greatly enjoy being the pimp that i am. If i was with derek i wouldnt be able to have kissed evan, vince, skye, and chelsey. I also wouldnt get to enoy the fact that derek parnes is single, so thank you derek you made the right choice, krystle is greatt and beautiful one of the best people i know your better off, and Krystle, thank you for conssidering not telling me to spare my feelings, even though you should have, its the thought that counts, and i realize that you were trying to prevent a blow up. xoxoxox ilove you guys mouch much, i hope you know that. If anythng ever happens to me that i just cant prevent, wether it be consiously or subconssiously i want you guys to know that it would never be your fault, it's my fault for not being able to find healthier ways to deal with everything im going through. you two are not the cause of my problems, you try to help[ but trust me need to help myself and I'm not sure if i can do that, that why i lost steve that best thing that ever happened to me, because i was selfesh and always talked about my problems, and because i couldnt stop smoking. that is why, DereK, that you chose, krystle i know this even if you wont admit it, she is a better person, she isnt always complaining about her problems. I am always loosing people because of this, and im going to keep loosing people i love until i learn how to keep my mouth shut when im upset. I dont know if i can do this. So i'll just play the guys, not fall in love, if i dont love them maybe i wont loose them and even if i do, it wont matter because i never got attached. Problem solved.
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| I wanna change |
[04 May 2004|06:34am] |
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lost |
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blah blah blah |
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I wish i could help who i am. I cant talk to anyone because when i do, i cant help hating myself because i know others hurt to. Im not the only person whos depresed. god help me. Last night around 8 I was all depresed lonely and i wanted to cut so bad. Any one who has never done it wont uderstand, but its addicting, even more so than smoking. I wanted to talk to someone , anyone, i went out to get the phone and my parents said, no nia to lateto talk on the phone, im like but i really need to talk to someone. They got really pissed. "WHY CANT YOU BE NORMAL, CANT YOU SEE WHAT YOUR DOING TO YOUR BROTHER HES ONLY 9 YEARS OLD NIA AND HE SEES YOU SMOKING AND SHOOTIN UP AND HE SEES YOUR CUTS!" "BE NORMAL!!!!!!!!" I will do anything to be happy why doesnt anything work. Ive been on so many meds, im on 5 now! Ive tried shrinks and what else is there .oyoyoyoyoyoy
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mansons_lover's journal